Posted in Life & Wellness, Relationships

– Negative+Positive(x3)= Happy Relationship

Posted on by Nina

“The single most important factor in our long-term happiness is the relationships we have with our family and close friends.”-  Clayton M. Christensen

Just recently, my 5-year old daughter and I were reviewing for her exams. She was able to pick up most of the lessons, but like any other student, she also had difficulty in understanding some, so we spent more time in learning those. However, even after more minutes of teaching and explaining, still she would not grasp them- and so I got upset and frustrated.

My frustration was very obvious. My eyes got bigger, my lips thinner, my voice got louder…yes, my daughter felt me getting angry, and it made her cry. Honestly, I felt bad too and guilty for poorly handling the situation- for not being more patient and in control of my emotion. My goodness! How “un-intelligent” my daughter must have felt when I turn into this “monster mom!”

But you know what? After our review, I made sure to tell her that I love her very much even if I get mad at her sometimes. Then I felt so much better seeing the smile back in her face.

In other circumstances, I praise her whenever she get a “star” in her workbook, or a “great  job!” marked on her hands. I make it a really BIG deal, and she would get very happy! I also recognize whenever I see her do a good things- like when she fix her toys after playing, when she helps me make the bed, when she is being kind to others. There are also the times when I tell her that she is pretty (she really is!), or that I am proud of her, or that she is smart when she does something witty.

My point is- in every one bad thing that you do, make sure you do good three times more. If you discipline one time, praise and motivate three times more. If you hurt someone (whether intentional or not), make up for it three times. WHY? SO THAT THE GOOD THINGS WILL BE REMEMBERED AND NOT THE BAD ONE. At the end of the day, we want to put emphasis on the good and not the bad. We want to build loving, happy relationships.

So, the next time you do something that may have hurt someone, don’t be too hard on yourself because now, we know better what to do next…

Wishing you all a fun-tastic weekend ahead! 🙂

Cheers,

Nina

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34 thoughts on “– Negative+Positive(x3)= Happy Relationship”

  4. You remind how my wife always reminded me that raising our kids was all about giving them good memories to hold. I like your 3:1 rule! My general rule is to not complain if at al possible – too much of that in the worlds already – but rather give people random, honest compliments. “nice smile!” “Thanks for being a great waiter!” Etc.

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    1. Jeffrey, you’re lucky to have your wife-not because I remind her to you- but because she is a good mom! 😊 I like your rule too…instead of complaining, we need to be more appreciative, OR at least have a solution for the things that we complain about.
      I’m also very grateful for your generous compliment. Thank you! 😊

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    1. Thank you Nikki! I guess we all had our experiences of being a “monster mom” at some point hehehe! What’s important is how we made up for those times. I’m sure your son has grown up to be a great young man for having a mon as loving as you! ☺

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      1. Oh gosh yes. I’ve had many ‘not so proud’ moments. My son and I laugh about some of them. I was a young mom. 23 when I had him and we homeschooled for the first 7 years of school…AND we are extremely similar in temperament…..we had some rough moments. 😉 But he turned out awesome so they couldn’t have been too bad! 🙂

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      2. With a mom like you, I’m sure he’s awesome! 😉 Being a young mom could have been a challenge but I know some young moms who have even closer relationships with their children…I guess it all boils down to how we spend quality time with them and how we show our love and affection.

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  7. So you just admitted to being a regular parent…congrats! Actually, your formula for 3X the praise sounds like a good strategy. I remember my son’s grade school reading exercises…oh wow! I hated to “call him up short,” but it was for his own good. And I lavished praise on him whenever I saw the opportunities. He turned out to be a great young man!

    Steve

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    1. I love being a mom! 😊 but yep, I have shortcomings too…I think it’s unavoidable at some point…I understand what you mean- I think some people call it tough love! And it works too depending on the case and the person it was applied too! You must be very proud to have a great young man under your care. 😊

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      1. Thank you, Nina, but this young man is caring for himself and a family of his own now. He has been so blessed in his life, and I’m thankful to the Lord for that…

        Steve

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  9. A very important lesson Nina. We feel bad if someone gets hurt because of us, but you showed us the way how to make up for that intentional or unintentional gesture. 🙂
    Your daughter is definitely lucky to have a mom like you. 😉

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  10. Hey there Old Sport! I’m K&L from The Millionaire’s Digest who is the Author, Publisher & CEO of The Millionaire’s Digest, and I just want to apologize for not getting a magazine published for our website. Believe me, when you’re in college and you’re up past midight writing papers every night, you know how hard it can be to also run a team of more than 300+ people who are constantly uploading posts every day. I also messed up with the first magazine because there wasn’t a theme to it, and now I’ve already had people sending their articles and things in, which brings me to my next point Old Sport.

    I would just like to ask you before I get ready to have our magazine published if you would still like to be in it. I mean, I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to do this because I know I wouldn’t like it if someone made me do something I didn’t want to do either. But I mean, I just wanted to make sure because you are one of my team members, and I just didn’t want you to feel left out when you see it go live in all the stores!

    Also, please know that if you do choose to do this, you do this for yourself, not me. I do perfectly fine for an individual, as you know that I could’ve launched this myself and not let anyone on it. But I’m not that type of person (Nor will I ever will be). This is just something that I want to be able let you guys do, so I can help you get more exposure to your blog!

    Sincerely,
    K&L

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      1. Okay, thank you so much! I’ve emailed you the application that the rest of my team has been filling out! (I emailed it to your yahoo account.) Try to have it filled it as soon as you can, because the last day to turn in your articles is December 31st. Also, I hope you and your family has a blessed Christmas!

        Sincerely,
        K&L

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