Posted in Life & Wellness, Relationships

What I Want to Be?

To love and be loved is the greatest happiness of existence.” – Sydney Smith

I’ve recently thought of a goal for myself that I definitely think would help make a huge difference and impact in my life.

I want to be a GREAT LOVER. (Before I go further, let me just make it clear that I didn’t mean that in the physical context.)

Yes. I want to be a great lover- not on my mind. Not on my heart. But on my ACTIONS.

I don’t know about you, but I’ll be honest. I’m one of those people who say “I love you”, but my actions sometimes fall short of the word.

I want to be a great lover to my husband.
This would mean that I should learn to listen more in times of arguments, and control my temper & not burst out “I hate you” every time we fight.
This would mean that I should be more understanding and forgiving of his shortcomings, and less of the “I told so…”
This would mean that I should show him more appreciation and, and I should be more caring to him.

I want to be a great lover to my daughter.
This would mean that I should lessen my disciplining, and be more of an encourager.
This would mean that I should be more available when she needs me and less with “can’t you see I’m doing something?” or “Mommy is busy right now…”
This would mean more play time, more story-telling, more reading together, more bonding moments.

I want to be a great lover to my parents.
Let’s face it, they’re getting older. The more that we should be intentional in spending time with them. I’m lucky I grew up close to my parents and didn’t have any unresolved conflicts with them. But if you are one who’s not in speaking terms with your folks right now, I encourage you to forgive and sort things out. Do that, and let me know if it will not make you feel better.

I want to be a great lover to my siblings.
It’s difficult when you and your siblings have their own family, living their own lives. But I want mine to know and feel that they could always reach out to me by me reaching out to them first.

I want to be a great lover to Other People.
I can do this by being more patient with them, and by always choosing to see the good in them despite the wrong-doings.
I will chose to respect them, to care, and pray for them.

These may seem pretty tough, but I don’t think they’re impossible to do. The key word is to be INTENTIONAL. And the only way to do it is to act like it every single day. So, wish me luck, okay? 🙂

P.S. You might want to do the same and let’s improve at being a great lover together !

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Posted in Motivational, Positive Thinking, Relationships

To be Happy, Let Go!

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”– Deborah Reber

For most people, happiness is achieved by gaining something. It could be a reward, an achievement, a recognition, a relationship, or a pleasant experience. Some of us fail to realize that becoming happy may also mean letting go of things, or to some extent, even people.

Sometimes, it is difficult for us to detach ourselves from people especially if we’ve invested in them, and treated them as friends and family. However in reality, there are people who, instead of being grateful that they are valued and cared for, take advantage of the kindness of others.

It is painful and not easy to let go especially if we care about the person, but this is one thing that we need to learn in order to be happy.

We should set the standard of how we like people to treat us. If we allow them to take advantage of us, they will continue to do so. But if we set boundaries, they will learn to respect us.

Don’t be afraid to be honest and let people know how you feel about them. Don’t be shy to say “No” when you feel that you’re being used and abused. Don’t be scared to lose people in your life if you know in your heart that they do not value you or respect you as a person. You owe it to yourself to not allow other people to drag you down.

Remember that forgiving and understanding others do not mean that we have to tolerate their behavior. If you want to be happy, distance yourself from the people who makes you feel sad. You may be surprised how liberating it will make you feel.

NinaSig

Posted in Relationships

Are You Kind At Home?

“No act of kindness no matter how small is ever wasted.”- Aesop

Have you noticed how sometimes,we are nicer to other people than to our family? How often are we more accommodating to our visitors than to our spouses? Why is it that we are more courteous and patient to our bosses than we are to our parents? How come that we speak more gently to colleagues than to our children? This is sad, but it is a reality.

But this can change.

We can start in our own home, with our own family. If our children will grow in an environment where respect and kindness to family members are valued, it will penetrate their being. It will become a part of them.

Why don’t we go back to the basics? Here are some of the important ones that we often neglect or forget.

  • Say the 3 magic words: “I’m Sorry”, “Thank You”, and “I love you”.

Immediately apologize when you hurt someone. Who will not forgive you when you just go ahead and say “I made a mistake, and I’m sorry” then hug them right away?

Be grateful for the service that you get even if what they’re doing are already expected of them. Thank your mom for cooking for you. Thank your dad for driving you to school. Thank your spouse for taking care of your needs. Saying thank you is letting them know they are appreciated and recognized.

Don’t ever get tired of saying I love you and hug at least once a day!… this is a cliche that will always work!

  • Communicate and Talk.

When’s the last time you dated your parents or siblings? When’s the last time you had a heart to heart talk with your children? Be involve in the lives of your family members by knowing what’s going on.

  • Offer to Help or Assist.

When’s the last time we offered to do a house chore that is supposed to be done by someone else?

  • Be generous with Compliments, not with complaints.

Highlight the positives! According to psychology studies, if we want a positive behavior to continue, we can reinforce it with positive motivation- that’s the benefit of giving praises!

  • Do not compare; but Encourage rather.

Comparing a person to another especially if he/she is on the losing end is just a mean thing to do. It crushes down his/her spirit. We should be helping in building healthy self-esteem by providing words of encouragements and affirmation.

We should show kindness in our home everyday, and then extend that kindness outside. When we do, well…just imagine what could happen. ☺

Wishing you all a happy life,

nina-feb1

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Posted in Life & Wellness, Relationships

Get closer. Have a “WE” time.

“If conversation was the lyrics, laughter was the music, making time spent together a melody, that could be replayed over and over without getting stale.” – Nicholas Sparks

If we want to build strong foundation for relationships, we need to set an exclusive time for bonding, and be tenacious in doing it. It has to be constantly and persistently and it could be any activity that you do daily, weekly, or monthly. The key here is to spend time together on a set schedule repeatedly.

I have a graveyard work schedule, and so I sleep during the afternoon. I deliberately choose to sleep in the afternoon because I want to see and welcome my 5-year old daughter back from school. When she takes her nap, I sleep with her but we have this everyday ritual that we call “Cuddle Time”. 🙂

When we’re in bed, we talk, sometimes we sing together or read a book, then we tickle each other, we exchange kisses on the face, and hug-hug-hug a lot! And then we pray and go to sleep.

We do this every single day. WHY? Because this is how we could strengthen our bond as mother & daughter. This is our “WE” time. And this is what I want her to remember when she grows up- the fun & happy times, not those times when I get frustrated at her.

Now it is not enough to just set a time. It is important to be “present” in that exact moment. Don’t do it with your mind elsewhere, otherwise you are not going to enjoy and it loses its significance for you. It will be just like any other routine.

If you want to strengthen your relationship with your spouse, siblings, parents or friends, be intentional in spending “WE” time with them. Do not put other things before your scheduled time of “togetherness” and ALWAYS be mindful of the moment. Be there and be present physically & emotionally!

(photo source)

Posted in Life & Wellness, Positive Thinking, Relationships

Let’s Make Wonders!

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”- Leo Buscaglia

Hello Everyone!

Why don’t we start this week by spreading good vibes? Let’s try these simple and very easy steps on how we can share a bit of happiness to someone else’s day today.

1. Smile. 🙂
Sharing your good natured smile would tell others that you are a caring person.  It can brighten up anybody’s otherwise cloudy day. Besides, smiling is one of the best beauty remedies. Anyone who wears a smile becomes more good-looking! 🙂

2.Take time to compliment.
A genuine compliment shows that you pay attention to other people’s efforts and strength. Who would not appreciate one? Just be careful that you are not giving false flattery.

3. Listen.
It’s also nice to just listen from people. When they share great news, celebrate with them. Avoid the urge to share your own good news right away. Let them enjoy “their” moment.
If someone vents out frustrations, he or she may not necessarily be looking for advice, but just need someone to listen. So just listen. They will surely appreciate it.

4. Hug or Give a Pat on the Back.
These gestures when done appropriately is uplifting and could really boost the spirit. Sometimes, touch is even more effective than words.

5. Do a good deed.
As simple as opening a door for someone, picking up someone’s pen or book, or offering to make the coffee could already put a smile on someone else’s face.

As William Hazlitt said, “A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles.” So let’s go ahead and start making wonders! 🙂

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Date Written: July 25, 2016

Posted in Life & Wellness, Psychology, Relationships

Relationships Matter

According to studies, one of the things that makes a good life is having good relationship with other people. Being in a warm, loving, and protective relationship does not only make us happier, but it also makes us healthier because it helps prevent us from acquiring chronic diseases that are caused by loneliness and stress.

However, not all relationships are healthy and happy. They could be messy, complicated, or even toxic. Good relationships are not worked out overnight. They need to be tended in order to flourish.

Here are some tips to develop good quality relationships:
1. Communicate– express what you think and feel. Do not assume that other people could read what’s on your mind. Not all people are expert on body language so it’s best to communicate verbally, otherwise you risk being misinterpreted or worse, being unnoticed.

2.Acknowledge– show that you appreciate your partners, children or friends. There is no such thing as silent gratitude. You have to let people know when they did something that made you happy. It will not only reinforce good behavior, but more importantly, they will feel valued and worthy. So catch them at their best and be generous in giving well-deserved praises!

3.Do not Police– Don’t wait for other people to commit mistakes and reprimand like a police officer. If you care about the person, let them be aware of their destructive behavior before it gets worse. This will show them that you care.

4. Accept– Accept that other people are not perfect and so are you. There will always be instances when they could hurt you, or YOU HURT THEM. But always remember that you love them more! So be quick to say sorry and to forgive, and always remind yourself to forget!

5.Be Playful– Do not take things too seriously. When I was in college, I had this mantra for myself: “All problems have solutions. If it doesn’t have a solution, it’s not a problem! So I will not bother…” Learn to laugh at your mistakes and have fun in each other’s company!

People are special. We all need to feel that we are special so let’s start treating each other one! 🙂

(photo source)


Written on: June 07, 2016

Posted in Personal, Relationships

I believe in Happy Endings

I have been married to my husband for 8 years and just like many wives, I too wish to have a lasting marriage.

However, I will admit to you that there were times when I thought that I made a mistake in choosing the right husband for me. There were times when I hated him more than I love him. There were times when I thought about leaving him because I didn’t feel loved and appreciated… but I THANK GOD THAT I DID NOT.

So, is there really a “lived happily ever after” when two lovers get married?

I know 8 years of being married is not long enough to be such an expert person in the subject matter of relationship and love- and I must admit, I am always learning. But please let me share with you what I have learned on how to make relationships work and I hope that these would be helpful to you too.

1. Once the feeling of being-in love is gone, real love begins.

What do I mean with this? After the period of cheesy, mushy, heavenly feeling of falling and feeling in love with someone, you will start to see the things that you do not necessarily like with the other person.

The girlfriend you appreciated for looking good when you go out on a date is now the annoying wife who takes hours in the bathroom to get herself fixed.

The boyfriend you were proud of for being smart and dependable is now the irritating husband who always nags when he sees something that is out of tune.

I believe this true to every relationship. After the heightened emotion of being in-love is over, we get back to reality. And the reality is that you and your partner are not perfect. But we need to accept this fact, otherwise, we only jump from one relationship to another. And so we need to decide and commit to stay in love.

I realize that Love is not a feeling, but rather, Love is hard work. When I come to accept this, it became easier for me to deal and worked on the imperfections of our relationship.

2. You need to discover the love language of your partner to be able to show love.

This is probably the biggest relationship-changer for me. You see, I was like other people. I thought that the way I want to be loved is also how my husband want to be loved. Was I ever so wrong in my life.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 Languages of Love. These 5 languages are different ways to show love to a person, and each person has their own primary love language- the way for them to feel that they are loved.

The 5 languages of love are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

A person who has Words of Affirmation as love language will feel very much loved when he is always told “I love You”, “I appreciate what you do”, “You’re doing a great Job!”, “I love how you did this…”, “Thank you for doing this..”

A person who has Quality Time as language of love may appreciate these words of affirmation, but may not necessarily feel loved when his spouse is not spending time talking to him, or when they aren’t going out on a date. He feels much more loved when he is in the company of his loved one with undivided attention.

You see,  for years  I and my husband have been showing love in the wrong language. I didn’t know that his love language is “Acts of Service” and he didn’t know that mine is “Quality Time”.

Since I go to work, I leave most of the house chore to our helper so I could spend more time taking care of our daughter when I’m at home. I didn’t know that I could show my husband that I love him if I just make him his coffee, prepare his meals, or trim his nails (now please don’t judge, I have a different love language!) I did little act of service for him. I could just imagine how little love he must have felt from me.

At the same time, I didn’t feel that much appreciated and loved too since we seldom go on dates- just the two of us. We always go out as a whole family. We go out of town to visit relatives or be with friends, but not alone together as couple. He showed love thru the language he knows- he washes the dishes when the helper is not around, he fixes our bed, he pays the bills- but all these things didn’t speak love to me. Perhaps now you see the disaster! We both love each other and express it in ways that do not speak love to us!

I shared this discovery to my husband and we made adjustments almost instantly. Now we feel much more loved by each other and we are happier definitely! 🙂

3. Love is a choice.
We are humans and we make mistakes. Our partners may do or say things that hurt us. We may fall short of expectations. We may disappoint one another. And we may even hate each other sometimes. But we always have a choice. We can choose to forgive and move on or dwell in past failures and allow hurt to continue to wound us. We can choose to listen and see things in our partners’ perspectives to be able to understand, or refuse to seek understanding. We may choose to stick thru thick and thin, or leave when the going gets tough.

I choose LOVE. I choose to love my imperfect husband like he chooses to love his imperfect wife. I will choose to always forgive him. I will choose to always have hope for him. Just like Jesus loves and forgives us. Together we will do our best to make sure that our marriage will have the “Happily Ever After” ending.

wedding pic.JPG

nina-feb

Posted in Psychology, Relationships

Why Falling In Love is Not Real Love

If I were to be asked the best thing that could happen to a person, my answer would be to feel loved. I bet many of us have enjoyed the experience of falling in love. But what if I tell you falling in love is not real love ?

Before I tell you why. Let us see what Falling In Love is…

  • Falling in love comes naturally.

You see the other person, you get attracted- you heart beats fast, you can think of nothing else but him or her. You’ve got butterflies on your stomach. You’re on cloud-nine whenever you’re together. You don’t decide when and to whom. You just feel it. Sometimes we even fall in love to the person we least expect to fall in love with. Moreover, you also cannot force your self to fall in love. No matter how much you want, you cannot just make it happen.

  • Falling in love is effortless.

Whatever we do when we fall in love is not difficult to do. Sometimes, we spend money on dates, but it’s okay as long as we’re having dinner with our beloved. We fly to the other side of the world, but it’s okay as long as we could be with our partner even if it’s only for a few hours. You may skip basketball games with your peers because you have to go with her on a tree planting activity. OR you will pass on salon day with your best friend because you will watch him play baseball. ALL these things will be effortless. It doesn’t require much will-power.

  • Falling in love is finding your perfect match, and feeling in love forever.

You finally meet the perfect guy or girl who completes you. He/she is everything you’re looking for in a partner. You just know the he/she is THE ONE for you. You will never look at another person again.

Falling in love is an experience of temporary emotional high. It will not last long enough to sustain a happy relationship.

LOVE will. So, if falling in love is not real love. What is Real LOVE?

As a matter of fact, Real Love requires what is not present in falling in love.

  • Real Love requires Decision.

Sometimes, we hate the person we love but does it mean we stop loving them? No. You still make coffee for your husband in the morning even if you’re mad at him for not mowing the lawn. You still drive your wife to work even if you’re pissed because she forgot to pay the electric bill. Love is a Choice.

  • Real Love requires Effort.

Sometimes, we don’t want to do things but because we love, we exert effort and still do them.

A tired and sleepy mom would still wake up in the middle to the night to feed their baby. A father who worked overnight will still wake up very early in the morning to drive the children in school. You don’t know how to cook but your spouse loves home-cooked meal so you learn the art of cooking and be the best food engineer! That is love.

  • Real Love requires Commitment.

The person you love may hurt you, annoy you, make you angry, make you jealous, belittle you, or disrespect you…but if you’re committed, you will always remind your self to love them in spite and despite of. Does it mean you have to just take in and tolerate the negatives? Nope… there is a thing called Tough Love!

In addition, there will always be a time when you will find another person who is better than your spouse or partner in one or more criteria. Again, we have to remind ourselves to be committed & choose to stay in our relationships.

LOVE works with Hard Work in order to survive obstacles. Loving is simple BUT it is not always easy. Nonetheless, the reward is always worth 10 times more the effort! 🙂

nina-feb

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Posted in Life & Wellness, Positive Thinking, Relationships

Life is good when there is Love

“Where there is Love, there is Life”- Mahatma Ghandi

There are many things in life that I simply love.

I love reading a good book… I love listening to soothing music… I love coloring my book… I love drinking coffee… I love cooking for my family… I love my movie dates and dinners with hubby… I love stargazing and cloud-watching with my daughter… I love hugs and flowers… I love going out of town…I love a lot more other things…

BUT I made a discovery and found out another thing that I love which for is really sweet and gives me so much more satisfaction. It is something that really melts my heart and you would not guess what it is.

I love combing my mom’s hair.

Yes, it’s downright simple happiness for me.

As I gently comb my mom’s hair, I feel nothing but great love and respect for her. I know more than 30 years ago, she was the one combing my hair with such great care.

My mom loves me and my 3 other siblings very much and I know she does up until now that we have our own family. Her love and care for us never ceased. In fact, she also shows the same affection to her grandkids and treat our spouses like her own children.

So every time I do an act of service for her, my heart delights on it- every second of it!

Whenever we get the chance to be together as family, I realize how my mom and my dad are also getting older… That’s a reality that I can do nothing about. I can’t freeze time and wish that we could all just stay as we are at this present time. No- that is impossible. BUT LIFE IS GOOD.

Life is good because we have a technology that allow us to see each other as if we’re in the same place. Everyday they get to see their grandkids grow up. No matter the distance, we can be there for each other when we need to. We do not feel that we’re alone.

Life is good simply because every day is an opportunity to make people in our lives happy. Every day, I get the chance to tell them that I love them. Life is good because there is LOVE.

nina-feb

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Posted in Inspirational, Life & Wellness, Relationships

Oldies but Goodies!

Hello Everyone,

This week is a very busy week for me. It’s my daughter’s quarter exam week at school, my mom’s here with us for a visit, and it’s the time at work again when I have to do my month-end reports…

Anyways, I still don’t want to leave you guys with nothing on my blog. So here are some of my older posts (written during my first months of blogging) that I would like to share with you again especially that it fits my theme for this month of February. Enjoy!…and I am still  interested on what think of the posts 🙂

nina-feb

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