Posted in Psychology, Relationships

Why Falling In Love is Not Real Love

If I were to be asked the best thing that could happen to a person, my answer would be to feel loved. I bet many of us have enjoyed the experience of falling in love. But what if I tell you falling in love is not real love ?

Before I tell you why. Let us see what Falling In Love is…

  • Falling in love comes naturally.

You see the other person, you get attracted- you heart beats fast, you can think of nothing else but him or her. You’ve got butterflies on your stomach. You’re on cloud-nine whenever you’re together. You don’t decide when and to whom. You just feel it. Sometimes we even fall in love to the person we least expect to fall in love with. Moreover, you also cannot force your self to fall in love. No matter how much you want, you cannot just make it happen.

  • Falling in love is effortless.

Whatever we do when we fall in love is not difficult to do. Sometimes, we spend money on dates, but it’s okay as long as we’re having dinner with our beloved. We fly to the other side of the world, but it’s okay as long as we could be with our partner even if it’s only for a few hours. You may skip basketball games with your peers because you have to go with her on a tree planting activity. OR you will pass on salon day with your best friend because you will watch him play baseball. ALL these things will be effortless. It doesn’t require much will-power.

  • Falling in love is finding your perfect match, and feeling in love forever.

You finally meet the perfect guy or girl who completes you. He/she is everything you’re looking for in a partner. You just know the he/she is THE ONE for you. You will never look at another person again.

Falling in love is an experience of temporary emotional high. It will not last long enough to sustain a happy relationship.

LOVE will. So, if falling in love is not real love. What is Real LOVE?

As a matter of fact, Real Love requires what is not present in falling in love.

  • Real Love requires Decision.

Sometimes, we hate the person we love but does it mean we stop loving them? No. You still make coffee for your husband in the morning even if you’re mad at him for not mowing the lawn. You still drive your wife to work even if you’re pissed because she forgot to pay the electric bill. Love is a Choice.

  • Real Love requires Effort.

Sometimes, we don’t want to do things but because we love, we exert effort and still do them.

A tired and sleepy mom would still wake up in the middle to the night to feed their baby. A father who worked overnight will still wake up very early in the morning to drive the children in school. You don’t know how to cook but your spouse loves home-cooked meal so you learn the art of cooking and be the best food engineer! That is love.

  • Real Love requires Commitment.

The person you love may hurt you, annoy you, make you angry, make you jealous, belittle you, or disrespect you…but if you’re committed, you will always remind your self to love them in spite and despite of. Does it mean you have to just take in and tolerate the negatives? Nope… there is a thing called Tough Love!

In addition, there will always be a time when you will find another person who is better than your spouse or partner in one or more criteria. Again, we have to remind ourselves to be committed & choose to stay in our relationships.

LOVE works with Hard Work in order to survive obstacles. Loving is simple BUT it is not always easy. Nonetheless, the reward is always worth 10 times more the effort! 🙂

nina-feb

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63 thoughts on “Why Falling In Love is Not Real Love

    1. Oh I hope that you will. When you experience real love in a loving healthy genuine relationship, it will be the greatest experience. It will forgive all hurts, assert self-worth, and satisfy the need to be belong. It is innate to us human beings to love and give love… sometimes other people just have more difficulty in showing but it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love. Some of us just don’t know the right way how. ☺

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    1. I would agree.. it is hard, and that is also why it means more. I think people would opt to stay and remain committed in their relationships IF they know how to keep their “love tank” full and know how to express love in a manner that will be understood by the people they are loving…Thank you for reading and I appreciate your comment! ☺

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  1. What a beautiful thought… very eloquently written. I had these feelings in my head… and specially at the turn of ‘adulthood’ when i finally realized this difference 5 years ago.. i knew that falling in love came with a thrill… an unknown… but LOVING was a chore.. (in a good way) it was like you are planting a seed… and your hands are muddy… and you are sweating… and it is so!much! work!… but you have ultimate hope in your heart that it will-in the end- bloom into a beautiful flower.

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    1. That is a very nice way of describing love. It is exactly like that! We work for it-it is hard but we delight on the work because in the end, the fruit is so much worth it! Thank you! I wish you a valentine’s day full of love! ☺

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  2. How beautiful this post is. When I first saw the titled I was curious – why is it not real? I thought. But you are completely right. I have been married to my husband for three years now and there are things I do not because I want to, but because I have to. And if I sit back and think about why I have to.. well, it’s because I love the silly man! It is effort, but if I didn’t love him I wouldn’t be doing those things. It is nice to be reminded of this, actually. It puts meaning into the most mundane things 🙂

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  3. I love this. It makes me sad what love is portrayed as now days, especially seeing my younger sibling struggle through it in high school. It is hard, but worth it. Like Dr Lora says about marriage…Choose Wisely, Treat Kindly. And don’t give up. It is hard. Thank you for the post. So good.

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    1. Thank you! I appreciate your generous comment! 😊
      I like your quote…reminded me of something I read before…it goes like this: “Keep an open eyes when choosing for a spouse; then be half-blind when married.” 😊

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  5. Hello Nina!
    I’ve finally had a chance to read your About me section so it’s lovely to learn about you….!
    This is such a profound and beautiful piece of writing here with a truly important message for all.
    Thank you and I totally agree with your views on love 🌟💕

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      1. You’re welcome Nina. And yes, we have that in common but I don’t have a degree in Psychology… just have a huge interest in it.
        It’s not an easy degree so congratulations on completing it. I’ve been delving mostly in energy healing and nutrition as studies. Your knowledge will add so much to your posts 🌝🌟🌟

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  6. I needed to thank you for this great read!! I undoubtedly appreciating every small touch of it I have you bookmarked to have a look at new stuff you post.

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    1. It is spontaneous to feel as if we’re “in love” because of the heightened feeling of attraction at the moment. It is an emotional high. And it is also possible to fall in love effortlessly, but it staying in love that requires effort. I’ve read your post on the Typology of Loving… it’s interesting. I think we always experience a combination of 2 or more of those types. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

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