Posted in Psychology, Relationships

Why Falling In Love is Not Real Love

If I were to be asked the best thing that could happen to a person, my answer would be to feel loved. I bet many of us have enjoyed the experience of falling in love. But what if I tell you falling in love is not real love ?

Before I tell you why. Let us see what Falling In Love is…

  • Falling in love comes naturally.

You see the other person, you get attracted- you heart beats fast, you can think of nothing else but him or her. You’ve got butterflies on your stomach. You’re on cloud-nine whenever you’re together. You don’t decide when and to whom. You just feel it. Sometimes we even fall in love to the person we least expect to fall in love with. Moreover, you also cannot force your self to fall in love. No matter how much you want, you cannot just make it happen.

  • Falling in love is effortless.

Whatever we do when we fall in love is not difficult to do. Sometimes, we spend money on dates, but it’s okay as long as we’re having dinner with our beloved. We fly to the other side of the world, but it’s okay as long as we could be with our partner even if it’s only for a few hours. You may skip basketball games with your peers because you have to go with her on a tree planting activity. OR you will pass on salon day with your best friend because you will watch him play baseball. ALL these things will be effortless. It doesn’t require much will-power.

  • Falling in love is finding your perfect match, and feeling in love forever.

You finally meet the perfect guy or girl who completes you. He/she is everything you’re looking for in a partner. You just know the he/she is THE ONE for you. You will never look at another person again.

Falling in love is an experience of temporary emotional high. It will not last long enough to sustain a happy relationship.

LOVE will. So, if falling in love is not real love. What is Real LOVE?

As a matter of fact, Real Love requires what is not present in falling in love.

  • Real Love requires Decision.

Sometimes, we hate the person we love but does it mean we stop loving them? No. You still make coffee for your husband in the morning even if you’re mad at him for not mowing the lawn. You still drive your wife to work even if you’re pissed because she forgot to pay the electric bill. Love is a Choice.

  • Real Love requires Effort.

Sometimes, we don’t want to do things but because we love, we exert effort and still do them.

A tired and sleepy mom would still wake up in the middle to the night to feed their baby. A father who worked overnight will still wake up very early in the morning to drive the children in school. You don’t know how to cook but your spouse loves home-cooked meal so you learn the art of cooking and be the best food engineer! That is love.

  • Real Love requires Commitment.

The person you love may hurt you, annoy you, make you angry, make you jealous, belittle you, or disrespect you…but if you’re committed, you will always remind your self to love them in spite and despite of. Does it mean you have to just take in and tolerate the negatives? Nope… there is a thing called Tough Love!

In addition, there will always be a time when you will find another person who is better than your spouse or partner in one or more criteria. Again, we have to remind ourselves to be committed & choose to stay in our relationships.

LOVE works with Hard Work in order to survive obstacles. Loving is simple BUT it is not always easy. Nonetheless, the reward is always worth 10 times more the effort! 🙂

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Posted in Motivational, Positive Thinking, Psychology, Uncategorized

Why Failure is our Friend

FAILURE. We don’t like it. We avoid it. We hate it.

People do not like failure because of 2 things- It hurts and  it makes us feel bad about ourselves.

However, if we will shift our paradigm, we will see that failure is our friend.

Like a true friend…

failure makes us aware where we need to improve.

Failure points out our mistakes and weak points. It lets us know our areas for improvement. Every time we fail, we always learn something new from it.

failure tells us that we need to do better.

Whenever we fail, how sure are we that we have given our 100% on it? It may be hard to admit, but in my case, I usually fail when I do not give my all. Failure tells us not to settle on mediocrity. We should always exert our best efforts in everything that  we do!

failure makes us stronger.

Most successful people experienced a lot of failures in their lives before becoming successful. What makes them different is how they managed to stand again and chose not to give up. As a quote says, “the one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one that never fell.

failure lets us realize how much we want something.

If we dream or desire something and we fail trying to achieve it, are we going to persevere and try again? or will we just forget about it?

If we want something that much, we’ll keep pushing ourselves towards it. But if we fail and let go of that dream immediately, then perhaps it really didn’t mean that much to us after all.

failure tells us if something is not for us.

After numerous attempts and giving it our best shots, but still end up being unsuccessful, then perhaps it is not really for us. This is the time to consider other options and focus on the other things that we can do and excel into. Failure tells us we should try to discover and utilize our other potentials.

Always remember, it is better to fail than to never have tried at all. We can always be more than our failures! 🙂

(photo source)


Date Written: June 13, 2016

 

Posted in Inspirational, Life & Wellness, Positive Thinking, Psychology

Live Light. Live Mighty.

Today, I want to share with you 2 great life lessons that I personally believe would make a difference in the way we view life and the world around us, IF only we live by them.

Lesson #1: FORGIVE YOURSELF AND FORGIVE OTHERS

“Forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive.”- Anonymous

Forgive yourself for the wrong choices and decisions you’ve made,  for not being good enough, for not being open, for not trying harder, for not reaching out. Forgive yourself for your failures and for the things that you did not do.

Forgive others for hurting you, for not appreciating you, for taking advantage of you, and for the wrong things done to you.

Not many people realize that when we forgive, we do ourselves favor. Forgiveness liberates us from the negative emotions that consume us. It frees us from anger, hatred and regrets. Forgiveness gives us peace and enables us to move forward.

 

Lesson #2: SEEK SIGNIFICANCE, NOT MATERIAL WEALTH

“Do the things that come from the heart. When you do, you won’t be dissatisfied…”– Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie.
When we die, we cannot bring our wealth with us. Our fame will eventually be forgotten. Our achievements will soon mean nothing. But what we will be remembered for are the things that we did to and for other people. How we made them feel. How we gave a part of ourselves to them.

So invest in people. Share your time. Be concern and compassionate. Nourish and dig deeper your relationships with your friends and family. Make it your purpose to share what you can give to the people around you.

I have not experienced dying, but I know that I would go happy and peacefully when I will have people who loves me in my deathbed. I would not trade that to any treasure in the world.
Choose LOVE over hate.
Choose KINDNESS over greed.
Choose FORGIVENESS over hatred.
Choose to be HAPPY by making the world around you happy. 🙂

(photo source)


Date Written: June 16, 2016

Posted in Life & Wellness, Motivational, Positive Thinking, Psychology

3 Steps to End LONELINESS

When we have a problem and feel as though our life is falling apart, our tendency is to “escape” from the miserable state that we’re at- and most often than not, we resolve to the quick fixes that are also self-destructive at some point: We drink. We party like hell in the company of people who more or less do not care about what’s going on with your life. We take drugs to forget or have sex with strangers. But guess what– the next day, YOUR PROBLEM IS STILL THERE because these quick fixes are not really the solutions but a temporary escape from your reality.

Just recently, I was able to listen attentively to Jason Mraz’ song “Three Things” and I thought, Wow! This is exactly how we should deal with the downsides in our lives.

 

“Number one, I cry my eyes out and dry up my heart.”

cry

Yes, crying is a cathartic release. It purges us of our massive feeling of loneliness. I personally believe that it is important to first empty ourselves with the heartaches before we could move on.

 

“The second thing I do… say my thank-you’s for each and every moment of my life. I go where I know the love is and let it fill me up inside…”

Not many of us realize but it is also important to contemplate on our lives. We get to analyze what went well and what went wrong…being said that, we should not fix our focus only the to the bad experience and the bad feeling that it brings- but more importantly, what lesson do we get from it.

friendsSurrounding ourselves with the people who cares for us also helps us get through the difficulties of life. If we are alone and we are lonely, we get lonelier because we do not have another person to encourage us and share the burden. Other people may not necessarily provide the solutions, but they give us the emotional support that is much needed. They strengthen us by letting us feel loved and valued.

 

“The third thing that I do…I pause, I take a breath,…and I let that chapter end.”

pastWe should let go of the failures and hurts in our past, and move on with our lives. Contrary to what others believe in, your past do not determine your future. You future is determined by the choices that you make…and it is your choice to be happy. SO CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.

 

(Photo credits: Google, Video credits: YouTube)


Date Written: May 30, 2016

Posted in Inspirational, Life & Wellness, Psychology

Are Happy People REAL?

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”- Aristotle

A lot of people do not believe that someone can really be happy because of some misconceptions. Others believe that the people who claim to be happy are in fact the miserable people in real life. (Ouchy! Does this mean that happy people are fake?) Others also think that happy people are living in “dream-land” or living in their fantasy world. (It is like saying that happiness is not real! If that’s the case, what a sad sad world this is that we’re living in…) And there are others who see happy people as weak people who pretend to be “happy” as a coping mechanism, because they cannot come to terms with the harsh reality of the world. (My goodness! How did this happen?).

I tell you why I believe that someone can truly be happy.

…Because Happy People can be sad, too.

Contrary to the belief that happy people are always on a good disposition, the reality is happy people also experience sadness, hurt, grief or even anger. The only difference is that they welcome these emotions, allow themselves to feel them, but choose not to dwell too much on them. They know when to “let go” of these emotions. They know that they have the power over them, and not the other way around.

…Because Happy People live in the same world where unhappy people live in, only they have different perspectives.

Unhappy people are used to only notice the negative things in life. The happy people choose to focus more on the good things that are happening. They are grateful for what they have that is why they know that they have a lot. They also know that challenges and obstacles happen, but what they see are the opportunities!

…Because Happy People are the Kind and  Forgiving people.

For some people, Kindness and Forgiveness are not always easy to give. But being kind and being able to forgive others and ones self are uplifting and relieving. Happy people do not have difficulty in showing kindness and in giving and accepting forgiveness.

So you see, being happy is not an illusion. It’s a matter of perspective. It’s a matter of choice.

I wish everyone a happy week ahead! I hope that you choose to be happy! 🙂

(photo source)

Posted in Life & Wellness, Personal, Psychology, Relationships

Choose your Priority

“Treasure your relationships, not your possessions.” – Anthony J. D’Angelo

The other day, my husband was craving for a dish and wanted me to cook for him. I was busy with my emails, but I stopped what I was doing and cooked for him.

Yesterday, I was preoccupied with my blog but my daughter kept disturbing me, asking me to do this and that for her…I realized she wanted to spend time with me so I stopped, and again focused my attention to her.

This morning, my husband was getting ready for work when I told him that he owe me a date ’cause we weren’t able to do something special on our anniversary. He asked me to fix myself, he waited for me, and then we went out to have an early lunch to his favorite Japanese restaurant before he went to his office.

And right now, I wanted so much to continue reading more posts and clean up my emails after I finish with this post, but I know that I will have to stop in a few minutes because I will need to have my “study” time with my daughter.

This is me prioritizing my husband and daughter over work and other stuffs . That is my husband prioritizing me over work.

My point is simple- If we want to have a good relationship with people, we need to learn to prioritize them. Giving our attention and time to them first is already nourishing the relationship.

Would you not feel special if you always come first to others? 🙂

(photo source)


Date Written: August 17, 2016

Posted in Life & Wellness, Psychology, Relationships

3 Questions for a Happier Family

“What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life – to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories.” – George Eliot

Hello Everyone!

I know that every one of us desires to have a family where everybody are in a good terms with each other. The thing is no family is ever perfect. Every once in a while, we get mad at each other, we fight, and we say things (we often do not mean) to hurt each other. But the good thing is we can always do something to improve our relationship with everyone in the family.

When you get the chance to sit down and talk to your spouse, partner, children, or siblings today- I would like to encourage  you to ask them these questions (I learned these questions from a conference that I and my hubby attended together):

  1. Is there anything that you need from me that you have not gotten yet? 

  2. Is there anything that I have done to hurt your feelings that I need to apologize for?

  3. What can I do to be a better Spouse/Partner/Mother/Father/Brother/Sister to you?

If we ask these questions more often, and make sure that we act on them, I can guarantee you that it will make a difference in our relationship with our family. 🙂

Happy weekend everyone! Make sure to squeeze in your schedule some quality family time!

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Date Written: July 31, 2016

Posted in Life & Wellness, Psychology, Relationships

Weekend Bonding

Hi Everyone!

It is almost weekend… I know this is usually the time to relax, unwind, and be a coach-potato but I recommend you consider the following for a change.

  •  Spend at least 30 minutes or one hour to have real conversation with your child/children (or parents if you are the child). Let them know that you are there for them. Everyone needs to be noticed, whether we admit it or not, so spending some alone-time doing mom-daughter or dad-son thing would affirm that they do exist in your world =)
  • Pay a surprise visit to a family member or friend whom you haven’t seen for a while (or give them a surprise-call). Time to reconnect!
  • Go out and have real fun together with your friends- talk and pay attention. Instead of asking “How are you?”, you ask “How are you really doing?”. Show that you are interested in them.
  • Allot time for health-care. Take a early jog when you wake-up; meditate  or spend some quiet time alone thinking about the good things that had happen during the week and the good things that you want to happen; listen and dance to your favorite music or read a book.
    Want some more tips? Read my other blog-  “The Importance of Self-Care”

I really hope that you will enjoy sharing your time with the people that you love and care for this weekend! Stay happy everyone! =)


Date Written: June 17, 2016

 

Posted in Inspirational, Life & Wellness, Psychology

The Importance of Self-Care

refilling-your-well-join-the-self-care-revolution-photos-295591

Have you ever felt like something in yourself was lacking even when everything seemed to be going well? I will admit that I have!

You see, when we reflect on how we are doing in our lives, we usually think about our financial status, how well we perform our job, how others see us or how good we are to our spouses, children and friends. We always focus on how we are towards the outside, but we seldom remember to look at how good we have been to ourselves. We forget to look inwards.

I believe the way to be happy is to make sure we are taking good care of ourselves. And, to feel good we need to make sure certain areas of our lives are covered. It is important to remember to take care of ourselves Physically, Mentally, Emotionally & Spiritually.

It may seem difficult and time-consuming, but if you analyze it more, there are actually a lot of small  and easy things that you can do. Do NOT think about Self-Care as a chore that you have to do, but as something you can enjoy doing.

Here are some Self Care tips that I want to share with you:

  • Physical

Engaging in a physical activity increases endorphins-our body’s natural feel good hormone that is responsible for boosting our mood. Obviously, exercising is on top of the list, but we can also do simpler things. Use the stairs instead of the elevator. Play with your kids outdoors—run, jump and have fun with them. Have a date night walk with your spouse.

You can also take care of your physical health by choosing to eat the right kind of food and by staying hydrated. Try water therapy and pick 2 days when you can’t drink anything else other than water. This will help to remove the toxins in your body.

Dress up! Looking beautiful or handsome also boosts our morale, so it’s okay to treat yourself to new clothes or haircut!

  • Emotional

I get tons of emotional highs just from my daughter alone. If you don’t get a lot of hugs and kisses, give some! =) Schedule a day for leisure activities with your family or go hang out with friends and bond. You don’t have to spend a lot to do this. The important thing is to connect and be present in the presence of your loved ones.

Sometimes, when I feel tired or stressed out, I just have to ask my daughter why she loves me. I feel much better after that. =) Next time you are feeling down, why not try asking your friends or spouse what they like most about you?

  • Mental

Reading is a great way to exercise your mind and imagination. You can also improve your mental health by attending talks or joining forums. But, if you find these boring, you can play games with your friends and kids that will make you think. One of my favorite things to do is talk to older people- I just get so much insight from their stories!

  • Spiritual

Our spiritual well-being is often given the least importance- but it matters as much as the other 3 aspects, if not more. Make some time alone to meditate and reflect on your life. Some people keep a journal to write all the things they are grateful for. Other people might write down all the negatives things that happened to them so they can burn it as a sign that they are letting go. If you are a religious person, make sure to remember to pray, gather with your fellow believers and read the literature of your beliefs. Listening to good relaxing music and watching inspirational movies are also great ways to nourish your soul.

As for me, I love to do cloud-watching during the day, and star-gazing at night with my daughter Gaby. I do not only feel spiritually-satisfied, but it’s an opportunity for me to bond with her at the same time. Paying more attention to nature somehow reminds me of how lucky I am to be a part of this magnificent experience we call life.

When we have nothing else in the world, the only thing we have is ourselves. So, let’s remember these steps as we continue moving toward happier and healthier living. Besides, we can only give the best of us when we are at our best inside and out!

(photo source)


Date Written: June 05,2016 (post written as Guest Writer for MakeItUltra™)