What My Anger Taught Me

“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.”- Mark Twain

Anger is probably one of the most often experienced emotion. I will be the first to admit that there are times when it’s just too difficult not to give in to feeling angry, especially if the source of anger is someone or something that you care about.

Just recently, I was angry and I felt like the intensity of my anger is something I have not felt or  experienced for a very long time. During one of my quiet moments, I was able to contemplate and here are the realizations that I came up with:

• A person who hates is a person who is hurting. 

I was angry at someone because I felt like she was being disrespectful, taking advantage, and abusive. At first I was disappointed and annoyed, but my feelings eventually became hatred. I realized it is because I was hurting- because that person is someone that I care about. If somebody hates you, perhaps it’s because they care deeply about you and even they may just don’t realize it themselves.

• Anger is a reaction, and not a response to the problem.

I could be angry for as long as I want but it will not resolve anything until I deal with the issue. Confrontation is something that we all feel dreadful about, and we would like to avoid it as much as we could.

However, if we want to free ourselves from anger, we need to talk to the person, settle the issue and reconcile. We may agree to disagree, but at least straighten things out.

It is also good to remember that we are angry at what they did and not at them. “I am angry at what you did” is not the same as “I am angry at you.”

• Anger evoke other negative emotions.

If we allow our anger to linger longer, it will stimulate more negative emotions on us. We become more irritable, impatient, annoyed, resentful, ill-humored, pique… Its no wonder our anger feels heavier with each passing day.

• An angry person tends to be more subjective than objective.

When we’re angry, we lack focus. Our heightened emotion clouds our judgment. All we see is the wrong and the bad. We seldom empathize with the other party.

• We need others to improve and be better.

I am lucky that I have a husband who lets me know when I am not sensible anymore. He helps me realize how my pride is somehow affecting the way I am interpreting situations. He is the one who assists me in analyzing the root cause of my anger. It pains to admit but we need other people who do not patronize us. We need other people who could tell us straight when something we do is not right anymore. How can we improve or get better otherwise? It’ll be like us doing surgery to ourselves without a mirror.

It is okay to be angry. Even happy people gets angry. Just know when to let it go before it burns you and the people you care for!

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