Posted in Motivational, Positive Thinking

Can We Love the Unlovable?

Posted on by Nina

Can we love the people who hate us?
Can we show affection and compassion to the people who hurt and curse us?
Can we be kind to the person  who’d be the first to celebrate when we’re dead?
Can we really love the unlovable?

The answer is NO. If it will only be for our own effort, I don’t believe that there would be a single person who’d openly say  “Yes, I love the person who makes my life miserable!”

The truth is, it is our faith in God that will enable us to love radically.

Jesus’ greatest challenge to us is to love our enemies. To do good to those who hate us. To bless those who curse us. And to pray for those who mistreat us. (Luke 6:27)

Perhaps, our mind is now saying “Sure. Easier said than done.”

BUT Jesus did not just gave us this command. He did not just say, love and forgive those who mistreat you. He also taught us HOW.

According to the Scriptures in Luke 6:38, ” Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

The way that I understand this, it is telling us that how we treat people will eventually help change the way that they treat us. If I become nicer to the person who is mean to me, perhaps there would be a greater likelihood that he or she too will become a little nicer to me, when he or she will see that I am sincere. If I treat them with kindness without any pretensions every time we have an encounter, I think it is not impossible for them to have a change of hearts toward me.

I have learned that sometimes our physiology affects our psychology. It is like the principle of “mind over matter” except that this is pertaining to our feelings following our actions.

If we keep doing loving gestures and  acts of kindness to people who treats us otherwise, sooner or later we will develop the feeling of love for them.

Of course this is not automatic. It does not happen overnight. And if you’ve read my previous posts this month, I cannot stress enough the fact that Love is a decision, a choice, and commitment.

I dare you to challenge God. Why don’t you do what He says and let us know how it’ll turn out! 🙂

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24 thoughts on “Can We Love the Unlovable?”

  1. That’s pretty much the same advice from FireProof; do tokens of kindness every day for the person you love until it’s done automatically – out of muscle memory – and you might actually one day feel like you’re actually in love.
    No offense, but those of us who are unloveable because we had people show us their affection via tokens and actions only to one day tear it all away – who do this to us over and over again, have made us what we are. Doing what they did, small acts to prove your love won’t win any points with us because we’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, when it all gets taken away … again.
    Perhaps you should figure out what makes an unloveable person just that – are they afraid? are they hurt? And worry less about buying their affection.

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    1. Hi Jamie,

      Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for your generous comment.I understand and get what you mean. And you’re right- it’s difficult when people keep hurting us.
      My say on this is that when we choose to love, it is more about “us” giving love whether or not the person is deserving of our love. This is why I say that it is a decision. And it is not an easy one. It requires hard work. When I do an act of love, it is my own business- meaning it does not depend or it is not based on what we get as a response from the person receiving it, although it’s great when we do get favorable response.
      As for the unloveable person, there could be several reasons and some of them they may not be even aware of- but I agree with Dr.Chapman in his book 5 Languages of Love- that it is difficult for us to love if our love tank is empty.

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    1. Thank you Jo! I agree with you. 😊
      For one, they teach us how to pray (Lord, I did all I can, but he’s still a monster! Give me more patience.) Kidding aside, they teach us how to forgive, to be patient and perseverance, to be more understanding and tolerance. They teach us to look within ourselves too…and the most difficult but important one, to love unconditionally. ☺

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  3. Love this. I find too that it feels so much better to show them love rather than anger. At the end of the day, we are the only ones alone with ourselves. Do we want to sit back and think of the multitude of ways we’ve channeled our higher selves through love, or anger through our egos? And to piggyback on the first comment, understanding is important as well as there is always a reason behind the “unlovable” behavior.

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  4. I love this post, Nina!
    I believe that the true test and proof of the divinity in our humanity is thru our capability to extend kindness on occasions that it is not appropriately warranted or to our fellow who is totally undeserving of it. And as you clearly expressed, loving someone or being kind to someone is a choice and requires constant efforts and commitment. Example to this is Jesus, despite being God and all powerful, has to patiently live 30+ years here on earth in order to save us and to show how love and kindness must be done.
    Have a nice day, Nina. Thank you!

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    1. Thank you Andrei. I’m glad that you love the post and I appreciate your additional inputs again. ☺
      Your example is perfect! Although there are times that we forget this- The more I grow in my christian faith, the more I realize what the phrase “God is Love” means…
      I hope you’ll have an amazing day, Andrei! ☺

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  6. Great post! I think what makes theses types of actions so incredible in the eyes of others around us, is that they’re are unexplainable. Loving our enemies is so backwards, yet it’s what we’re called to do. I love the fact that by doing actions such as these, that they will be able to see the love of God through us, and ultimately glorify Him through it! What an incredible witness we can be by obeying Him and doing what He says. I find it very humbling to think we can be used in this way. Thank you for writing this post and reminding me of that!

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    1. Thank you for reading my post and for your generous comment! You are right, by loving others radically, we are showing what being a Christian truly means. It is doing the seemingly impossible thing to do for the glory of God!

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  7. I’m not quite the religious person but I liked this post. I totally agree with how giving unto others will lead to them giving unto us. ^_^ The law of reciprocity, as it’s called in Psychology, I believe. 🙂

    Only thing I’d like to mention is that some people can be quite “poisonous”. You can give all you do but they will just leach it from you and not give back. In essence, they are merely using you as a tool for their gain. So have to make sure to watch out for these folks. Maybe they have issues that can be worked on but if it ends up hurting you more than you need in your life, then it may be better to stay away from them. Live and let live. 🙂

    In fact, wrote an article highlighting how toxic people will ruin your life. Can have a read of it here: https://revitellect.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/how-toxic-people-will-ruin-your-life/ 🙂

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    1. I agree. We can love people but it doesn’t mean allowing them to ruin us. There’s also a thing called tough love! 😉
      Thanks for sharing me your post. I will read it.

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